aloha!

“It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.” R.E.M.

I’m going to be working @ Silver Dollar City this summer with a program called Discipleship focus.  I leave the 30^th and get back Aug. 8^th. I will NOT be online very much, if at all.  Please, if you would like to contact me or have a pen pal this summer let me know before I leave.  This may be a long post, but if you look at it this way, it may be my last post for a long time.

It’s the end of an era.  I’m currently going through transition; transferring schools and saying aloha.  I will miss Cottey.  I like being able to show up to breakfast in pj’s, walk barefoot around campus, feminist movements, not wearing makeup, the silly traditions, professors, and my friends for life…it’s become a second home. Washburn is a bigger school, co-ed, public …I’m not too concerned.  Two friends (suite mates, girls I live with and love) are transferring with me and I have good friends ( you Lindsay!) when I get there as well.  Plus I have family close by and it is 3 hrs. closer to home. 

Sunday, I graduate from Cottey with my AA, but instead of walking I’m going to Nathan’s ceremony who is graduating top of his high school class.  Rose, my sister, is graduating from the eighth grade, which is a scary thought.  Congrats to you both, to my cousin William and to all the other graduates this year! May God bless you and guide you through out your lives.

I am going to capping, however, a Cottey tradition, tonight, where the important women in the graduates life are honored by placing the hat on their graduates head.  My family insists that being “capped” means I’ll be sleeping with the fishes.  I feel honored to have Granny and Patty come and also blessed that two of my brothers and my Dad are coming as well.  This year I have people to help me move out.  Love you guys!

Isn’t it amazing how the wonderful God we serve answers our prayers?  I needed direction for this summer, and God answered both this prayer and another about deepening my walk with him.  He opened a door and closed another, telling me not to worry about the closed door about a week before I found out.  I also came to the realization that I would not have been happy working there and am therefore am thankful for where he is placing me.  He also showed me how my life right now has been more like a stream, giving until there’s nothing left, until I’ve dried up.  Last summer is a good example of this; after 3 months at camp, I was burnt out.  I need to be more like a reservoir, soak up God’s word and wisdom and everything will pour out and overflow naturally.  I need to stop being a Martha and take the time to be a Mary, listening to the words of the teacher.  I need Jesus and want to be filled up to the top with the Holy Spirit and his love.  I feel kind of like a ninja or samurai going off into the mountains (or in this case Ozark hills) to receive their special battle training.  I am excited and ecstatic to start!

Last Tuesday I was blessed to sing and speak at a women’s group at my church.  I was able to not only preach God’s words, but also to share my testimony about what he has been doing in my life.  I will miss those ladies, and all my Pentecostal brothers and sisters.  Off on a tangent, my Grandma has been on my heart lately, and when I think back to that message, I think of her.  She lost my Grandpa a couple of years ago and now is battling cancer, but her faith inspires me. 

God has been working in my life, in many different areas and ways.  If growing up in this life could be measured in inches, I think I’ve grown at least a foot this year.  I’ve learned that ignorance is bliss, but it is better to be wise.  Procrastination and Perfectionism together create big time problems (something I struggle with).  God is really good at mending hearts if you’ll let him, and also, why it is wise to be careful with them (they matter!).  Pain, scourging, restoration, renewed joy, telling the devil were he can go and not to make any agreements with him.  I’ve learned more about myself; that I like making decisions, but am apathetic towards the ones that don’t matter, I can wonder the streets of Rome and Dublin and not get lost once (must be a driving thing), I like sushi (tried it in Germany), I have neat new talents like the ability to hip hop and turn a white dress from Goodwill into a masterpiece (or at least a fasion statement) etc.  God’s not done working in me yet, but through Him, I’m going to shine!

“May all your dreams bloom like daises in the sun, May you always have stars in your eyes, May you not stop running not until your race is run, May you always have blue skies.” -a Cottey song

Currently Listening The Altar and the Door By Casting Crowns see related

Part II?

Currently Reading Waking the Dead: The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive By John Eldredge see related

Part I

            I am on the battlefield.  With each new dawn comes the realization of war.  A great dark enemy knows my weakness, my heart, and has told his army where to target there attacks.  My allies are strong but a certain victory seems distant.  I have forgotten a key element!  A fellowship to fight by my side.  I needed help but was afraid.  Now I realize that by keeping you out, I'm losing more ground.  A few weeks back, January 27th, I rededicated my life to Christ and I would like to share my testimony later on.  What if someone else is going through the same issues?  I am ready to write and fight.         

            I'll begin my story, in light of the upcoming holiday, with an event earlier this week.  Lately, I’ve been going through a lot. One of my biggest struggles is losing heart; a constant two-step with depression.  Sometimes life is great,being with my friends, laughing, focusing on God.  Other times are unbearable.  I get so discouraged, haunted by my memories and lies like “you are a disgrace, you’ll never be good enough” or “your dreams are taken away now, after what you’ve done, stupid foolish girl.”  Tears come once again and I have to get away.  Sunday evening was one of those times.  I went for a drive, the whole way crying out “Lord, I know I must be the lowest of life forms on this planet.  I am brokenhearted and a mess!  You were so close to healing me, and what do I do?!  The unthinkable! I refused to listen, taking control, once again, over of my life, which left me more shattered then before.  I know you have forgiven me but, God, where are you in this pain and hurt?”  As I walked into Wal-Mart, a gross display of hearts and flowers caught my eyes.  I turned away.  “Just what I need,” I thought, “more reminders of my failure at life.”  Suddenly, I was stopped in my tracks.  “I made those for you.” 

            It was a familiar voice, reminding me of long walks in the summer, soaking up the beauty of God’s workmanship and pouring my heart out to Him.  I looked. Long stemmed roses (red, white, pink, yellow), daises, tulips, carnations all bright and beautifully arranged. Every lady waits for their knight in shinning armor, their prince charming, to show up with flowers and pronounce their love, then sweep them of their feet and ride of into the distance to live happily ever after.  Mine not only saved me but also, is always there for me, calling, and patiently waiting for me to come back to him.  A simple truth; a single rose can say more than a hundred words.  A dozen red roses now stand by my bedside to remind me of the greatest love story.  One that I intend to share.

short break from studying